Violence on college campuses is a fear every parent hopes to never confront. When such incidents happen, they can leave students and their families reeling. As a parent, your role is crucial in helping your student process, cope, and regain a sense of safety and normalcy. Here are some compassionate, practical steps you can take to support your child through this challenging time.
1. Listen with Empathy
One of the most powerful things you can do as a parent is simply to listen. Students affected by campus violence may experience a wide range of emotions, from fear and anxiety to anger and confusion. They need a safe space to express these feelings without judgment or pressure to “get over it.” Listen without interrupting or attempting to offer solutions right away.
- How to Show Empathy: Use phrases like, “I can only imagine how hard this must be for you,” or “Thank you for sharing your feelings with me.” This shows your child that you’re present and willing to understand their experience rather than immediately trying to fix it.
2. Validate Their Feelings
Validation is essential when your child is grappling with fear and uncertainty. Let them know that whatever they’re feeling is normal and okay. Acknowledging their emotions—whether it’s fear, sadness, or anger—can provide a sense of comfort and help them process their experience.
- What to Say: Use phrases such as, “It’s okay to feel scared or angry. This is a very difficult situation, and anyone would feel that way.” Validating their emotions helps students avoid suppressing their feelings, which can lead to long-term emotional issues.
3. Encourage Access to Support Resources
Colleges often have resources like counseling centers, support groups, and mental health professionals available to students. Encourage your child to take advantage of these resources without pushing them too hard. Let them know that reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and that they don’t have to navigate this experience alone.
- How to Approach This Topic: Gently ask, “Have you thought about talking to someone at school about how you’re feeling?” or “Would you like help finding resources on campus?” Offering assistance without pressuring them shows that you’re there for support on their terms.
4. Respect Their Need for Space or Support
Every student copes with trauma differently. Some may want to be surrounded by family, while others may need some time and space to process alone. Respect their need for privacy or proximity, depending on what makes them feel most comfortable.
- Tip: Check in occasionally, but don’t overdo it. Texting a simple, “Just wanted to see how you’re doing—here for you if you need anything” can provide gentle support without feeling invasive.
5. Help Establish a Sense of Routine
After a traumatic event, re-establishing a routine can help students regain a sense of normalcy and control over their lives. Encourage them to return to their classes, extracurricular activities, and social events as they feel ready. This doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine but rather helping them find small moments of normalcy that can be comforting.
- How You Can Help: Ask if they’d like help with any small tasks, like organizing their schedule or making a plan to ease back into routines. Let them know that it’s okay to take things slowly and that rebuilding routines is a way to support mental health and healing.
6. Provide Practical Safety Information and Reassurance
Students may experience heightened concerns about safety in the wake of a violent event. While you don’t want to instill more fear, providing them with practical information on campus safety resources can help them feel empowered. Review safety protocols like emergency numbers, campus safety apps, and escort services that some campuses offer for students walking at night.
- What to Emphasize: Focus on reassuring them of campus safety measures. Say things like, “The college is working hard to keep everyone safe, and you have resources available if you ever feel uncomfortable.” Providing factual, calm reassurance can help reduce feelings of helplessness.
7. Encourage Self-Care and Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Trauma can take a toll on both the mind and body, and self-care is essential for recovery. Encourage your child to prioritize sleep, balanced nutrition, and physical activity, as well as relaxation techniques that can help alleviate stress. If they’re struggling with overwhelming emotions, encourage activities like journaling, art, or spending time with friends as healthy outlets.
- Practical Self-Care Ideas: Suggest small self-care practices, like spending time in nature, taking breaks from social media, or engaging in hobbies they enjoy. It’s important to let them choose what feels best without imposing specific activities, as self-care is unique to each person.
8. Be a Source of Ongoing Support and Love
Healing from trauma takes time, and there’s no set timeline for recovery. Be patient and let your child know that you’re there for them whenever they need you. Sometimes, just knowing that they have a consistent source of support can provide comfort. Your child may want to revisit the topic weeks or even months later, and it’s crucial to let them process at their own pace.
- How to Stay Available: Keep communication open with periodic check-ins. A simple “I love you and am here for you” can mean the world and reminds them that they’re not facing this alone.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with campus violence is a distressing experience for students and parents alike. By listening with empathy, validating feelings, and providing ongoing support, you can help your child navigate the aftermath of such an event. Remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to recovery, and the most powerful thing you can offer is unconditional love and understanding.
In the end, these acts of compassion and patience are what will empower your student to heal, rebuild resilience, and continue pursuing their dreams.